So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
