It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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