Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
