you guys were way drunker than both of me
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
