I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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