He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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