He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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