I think I am morally bankrupt
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
