Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
