In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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