Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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