found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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