Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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