I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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