2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
