I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
