i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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