She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
