I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
is this the sara with the beer cane?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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