omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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