well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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