Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
