And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
