We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
