U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
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