She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Can I color on your dick again?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
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