Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
