You work out of a Hotel?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
