hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
This house was built for laser tag.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
