I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
