my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
