the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
