come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
