I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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