My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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