I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Randomize
