You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
