I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
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