there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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