so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
