just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
