How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
