he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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