I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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