i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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