I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
