grandma shit on top of the toilet
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
