Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize