I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
