K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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