i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
