I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
