Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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