I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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