You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
