Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
