Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
