got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize