Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
two words...techno handjob
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
