I wanna bring you to show and tell
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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