That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
