4 words: hood of his car
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
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