On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
