just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
