She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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