Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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