I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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