peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
