Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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