my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
