I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Randomize
