This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
