apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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